Can You Build Meaningful Relationships With Social Media?
2011
What a loaded question that has become! It’s one that came up for me recently when someone declared to me, very adamantly, that you cannot.
When I ask people what they get out of their social media, the answers usually go something like this: “I have reconnected with people I haven’t seen in years, and it’s great to do that and see pictures of their kids.” Other answers include: “I only check in occasionally” and “I’m not on Facebook, I don’t have time.”
Fair enough. There is no one-size-fits-all formula for social media, and you’re not going to hear me proclaim, as many do, that everyone should be there. It’s a matter of taste and preference as to what sites you use, or whether you are there at all. That said, here are a few answers – always delivered in a patronizing tone – that make me want to scream: “Well, I don’t like it because it’s flat and one dimensional.” or “It’s a waste of time” and the ultimate eyeroller: “I want to focus on real life meaningful relationships.”
As for the “flat and one dimensional” characterization, I see that. But can’t that be said about any written communication? That some types of communication are more meaningful and should be done in person, or at least over the telephone, where you can look into someones’ eyes and hear voice inflection, is a given. But that doesn’t mean written communication can’t pack a punch and carry great depth and meaning. Think of all the relationships that started by written communication. Or those sustained during wars by letters. How about that cherished letter from Grandma, tattered and frayed by repeated reading because it means so much? The written word has long been a tie that binds when people are separated by time and distance. Today, it just occurs electronically more often than by parcel post. Ah, technology.
I’d argue that it is our communication with people in its’ many forms, and taken as a whole, that enables us to develop meaningful relationships with them. As for the arguments that one can get too isolated by social media and that it is no substitute for physically being with people, or that people can misunderstand or be misunderstood due to its flat nature, I wholeheartedly agree. I’ve been misunderstood more than once. I’ve also been very fortunate to sustain relationships, as well meet people through social media that I later met in person. In some cases, that has led to real life encounters and true friendships, business relationships, or both. At the heart of of these relationships is three core components: Trust, respect, and the fact that I like them. In some cases communication has not, as yet, progressed far beyond the online world. I still have a good rapport and common interests with these people – and that’s fine. ‘Meaningful’ has many layers, and I am happy to partake in all of them.
Now you know my position; I’d like to hear yours: Can you build meaningful relationships through social media? What has your experience been? What are your challenges? Rewards?
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Enjoyed your writing! As for me, most of the last three years, I have lived in isolation. Unfortunately, the past three back surgeries I’ve endured, caused me to become unemployable. Suffering from daily pain and limited physical ability, I found myself staring at the walls in my home 24/7. For at least a year, I found stimulation in various activities. However, the loneliness from the outside world was overwhelming. I had always been a people person, worked my entire life and didn’t know what to do next. Well, one day, Lynne Woods, talked to me about facebook . She came to my house, showed me how to get on and so on. I was opposed, with some of the same reasons you described above. Then I began to experiment and happy to say after 2 years it has been a saving GRACE for me. It linked me to people, some I knew and some I didn’t know very well,. But, it was there to look forward to every day. It lifted my spirits, rekindled my humor and provided an outlet, I hadn’t had in a long time. After all, maybe I become a little obsessive at times, or have posted too much information for he world to see. I try to learn from that. So, in a NUT shell, I’m grateful for FB, for being a form of contact. For Lynne Woods taking the time to walk me through it. And, now you Liz, for offering this forum to tell my story, of how meaningful this social media and the people who participate has been to me. Thank You!!!! Keep writing, it’s your calling!
Terri, your comment is testimony to what a vital link social media can be, especially for people who for health reasons, or other circumstances, cannot get out like they used to and see people in person on a regular basis. For me, I have a business that I love precisely because of social media. The relationships I have forged here are priceless. I am very touched by what you have said, and am so glad to have connected with you on Facebook. I am glad you enjoyed my post! Thanks also for your compliment on my writing. i do enjoy it.
I started on Facebook as a way to stay in touch with our Rotary District’s Ambassadorial Scholars as they spend a year abroad. Since I sponsor 3 of them currently in Cape Town, Uganda and Australia, it has been a great way to stay in touch, support them and encourage them as they go through their ups and downs.
From that start a couple of years ago, I gradually connected with others, locally, from school and then more and more friends of friends, especially other Rotarians.
I then happened to become friends with Andra Watkins through Rotary and then Facebook. That led to following her blog and developing commentary friendships with fellow bloggers. In turn, that led to twitter and another new group of folks that I enjoy seeing and commenting on.
We had a blog party last year among folks who were regular followers of Andra’s blog and that was a lot of fun meeting people and that has led to other activities.
All in all, even though I would love to follow more folks, especially the circle of bloggers that follow one another, my time is limited so I have to limit the blogs to a few that I really enjoy. I try to check every day for new posts from Andra, Angie, Becca, Abby, Dena, Jennie, Steve, Carnell and a couple of others now and then.
The social media is like many other social relationships, it’s as good as you want to make it and I try to follow the Golden Rule in my comments and I find that works best for me.
I can relate, Lou. You’ve nailed it – social media is as good – or bad – as you make it.
I first met Andra through Twitter , I even remember the tweet. She said something to the effect of “@carnellm @lizdeloach seems to think very highly of you.” A few more Twitter conversations ensued from there, then I met her over lunch with Carnell, Cheryl Smithem, and several others. Hated that I missed the holiday get-together!
Like you, I interact with as many people as I can – time permitting. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you from Andra’s Blog, Facebook, and now here. I anticipate the opportunity to meet you in person – sooner than later, I hope.
Good post, good topic. This is something I often think about, and not too surprisingly, I agree with you. I find Facebook liberating, personally. I love that I can find people all over the world that want to talk about things I want to talk about (today, anyway), whether we actually agree or not. In fact, I don’t believe I can learn near as much if I only interact with people I already agree with. Or the same people over and over. But the opening up of the choices is beautiful. I suppose any interaction with people requires a willingness to put up with a certain level of annoyance and aggravation, but I believe I have been able to learn more, faster…including about myself…due to the increase in interactions I have been able to have beyond the physical ones that daily life permits. Like most (and many would say, all) things, it is largely what we make of it. I think the old-timers will begrudgingly overcome their/our inertia and apply mostly the same biological ‘feelings’ to yet another set of physical tools to play with. Meanwhile, the kids readily adopt. I think the capabilities to interact in a more global village has real promise. And I think it will always provoke a certain level of healthy, analog kickback, too. Good stuff, Liz…
Thank you so much, Brett. Beautifully said. And you are right; I, too, have learned a great deal from so many wonderful people. Even those I disagree with – especially those people, actually – give me much to consider and make the mediums so much more interesting than if I only communicated with those wh see things as I see them. I value the depth and breadth of the relationships I’ve formed here and, as you point out, learn to take the good with the bad and try to find a good and enlightening balance in it all. You mentioned old timers: My sister-in-law’s 80 year old grandmother joined Facebook a few months ago, and is coming along like a champ. She enjoys communicating with family there. Now that’s the kind of old timer I want to be!!
I ABSOLUTELY believe you can build meaningful relationships using social media. Why limit yourself to only the people an arms reach away from you? The world is TEEMING with interesting people. On a personal note, my family is living in China right now while I’m still in the US. Without social media, I would have no connecting with them for two years. I can’t even imagine how i would have been able to handle this without it! Just like everyone else is saying, it really is what you make of it. But, I think people are missing out on amazing opportunities by using the “talk in person” excuse. You aren’t supposed to REPLACE talking in person with social media, you’re supposed to add to, enhance, expand with it. Great post!
Hi Carly. Thank you so much for weighing in today, and for your compliment on my post. I really appreciate your thoughtful input. Like you, I have made many wonderful new friends and learned so much from my time using social media and working in this field, too. How wonderful that you are able to stay in touch with your family in China, with the only cost being that of an internet connection and your time. It’s time well invested for sure.